F O O D F O R T H O U G H T
I have come to find out, that the journey to a fulfilled life
is quite the challenge, however it is
a challenge I wish to embark on.
My whole life, I have never been described as much of an
"independent". To be quite honest,the silence just
plain freaks me out. Something about just listening
to my own footsteps all day just isn't the most appealing schedule to a girl
like me. When I was a child I would have a friend spend the night, and
while she packed up her overnight bag in the morning I was already plotting how
I was going to ask my mother, in an oh so convincing manner, to allow me to have yet
another sleepover that evening. I have just always felt the need for
excitement, activity, and to feel socially satisfied. Being social is just my thing i
guess, well, besides losing my soul to graphic design. My mother has
always told me, "bri, enough is just never enough for you."
And I agree with her.
That way of thinking has followed me all the way through my 23 years
of existence. But today, on this beautiful summer Sunday in California, I did what
I don't do very often...
I spent the day all alone.
I cleared my mind and tackled The piles and piles of clothes that I
sadly let linger for too long on my bedroom floor, I watched a movie
in bed with the windows open. (ps watch Wristcutters, its pretty enjoyable)
I lounged on my deck in my swimming suit while reading my new
book, and burning my face while doing so. I napped
on the outdoor swing, and I even...dusted?
Then as I smiled at my spotless room, I went out the door at went to
the movie theater. Ticket for one.
Although this may seem completely average to many, it is quite
abnormal for me. My days are filled with conversation, laughter, lunch
and dinner dates and not a lot of time to think....
I guess that's what I'm getting at here, I swear there is a point.
As I chuckled throughout Julie & Julia,
I had quite a lot of just plain thoughts.
Aren't we all here because we want our big break? Whether that be
getting our book published, planning the event of the year and
having it written about, or having some big shot in your field verify to you that that
little thing called passion in your life (your job) is well spent time
and that your dreams are paying off.
Verification of our dedication.
It's a moment I don't like to admit, but I cried through a good portion of the
end of that movie. Tears of happiness of course, mixed with tears of
hope and anxiousness for my big day.
The day I see a book I designed laying on the shelves
at a fancy book store in Los feliz, or the day I spot my movie poster plastered
against the side of a building in new York city, or the day I'm traveling in Paris
to look for my very own big shot European office, with a view.
Ok, ok....this all may be a mixture of the fact that it feels like
dragons are having a sword battle with my ovaries,
also known as PMS cramps, and that I may have too much passion
for design, for my own good.
However, something I was reminded today was that I need to
enjoy the ride a little more. I need to, instead of constantly dreaming about my
Mediterranean cruise or my spacious, perfectly decorated flat above the
cutest cafe in Europe,or my successful magazine in Germany
news stands...I need to just think about being grateful for what I have
at this very moment, my blessings.
And abundance of them, to be exact.
I have a wonderful and supportive family, hilarious friends with wicked
style, a cute little house in Silverlake that reminds of an artist cottage at times,
a stud of a boyfriend who is one of the most non-judgemental and
interesting persons that I have met thus far, I'm healthy
and I have a job doing graphic design (which i have always wanted )
in a struggling economy where I'm lucky to even have a job.
Although I don't have my dream job at 23, and everyday seems like a
constant creative fight in my own brain and a burning desire for more, ...
I have blessings floating in a sea of determination.
And a side of confidence that all of those things in my dreams will come true, someday.
I just have to keep on fighting for it.
So as I sit in a little French bistro channeling Julia Child in Paris,
and spending too much money on my delicious
seafood paella and Pinot grigio...I'm satisfied with the feux French bistro,
just fine with it...
For now ;)
Oh, and my day all by lonesome turned out to be a wild success,
i will be scheduling dates with myself more often. And I won't
apologize for being such a dreamer...